🌿 Developing Your Legacy of Values
The Reasons to Create an Ethical Will
Each of us carries a lifetime of experiences, stories, lessons, and values—gifts we hope to pass on to those we care about most. These insights can serve as a sail, propelling loved ones forward, or as an anchor, grounding them in identity and purpose. They help our families understand who they are, where they came from, and how to navigate an ever-changing world. Yet too often, we assume we’ll have more time to share them.
What Is an Ethical Will?
An ethical will—sometimes called a legacy letter or moral will—is a deeply personal, non-legal document that allows someone to pass down their values, beliefs, life lessons, stories, and hopes to loved ones. It is written from the heart. Unlike a traditional will, which distributes assets, an ethical will shares wisdom, reflections, and emotional inheritance
Why Should You Write an Ethical Will?
What if you don’t? Imagine losing the chance—whether through unexpected death or illness—to share the meaningful lessons and stories that shaped you. Or worse, imagine your child passing before you’ve had the opportunity to explain who you are, where they came from, and what truly matters.
In a world that moves faster than ever, what remains constant? What family treasures or historical perspectives will endure? Where did those genes come from? What will become of your wisdom and values—those insights that could guide future generations—if you never write them down?
For me, the answer lies in creating an ethical will: a living document that may touch on material wealth, but more importantly, captures the essence of who we are. It’s a reflection of our values, our triumphs and trials, and the wisdom we’ve gathered over a lifetime. And this isn’t just personal opinion—research shows that children who know their family history tend to have stronger emotional well-being and greater resilience.
Unlike financial assets, which can be diminished by inflation, taxation, mismanagement, or life’s hardships, wisdom endures. It grows more valuable over time and is far less likely to cause conflict. It’s a lasting gift—one that can guide future generations toward deeper fulfillment, greater success, and a clearer understanding of how your family came to be.
Why I Chose to Write One
In 2018, I attended a conference where a rabbi gave a powerful, heartwarming presentation on why we should all write an ethical will. It was a call to pause, reflect, and articulate the principles that have guided our lives.
It took me four years to write my first draft—not because I lacked the desire, but because I kept procrastinating. Eventually, I told myself: if I didn’t at least try, and something happened to me, my children would miss out on the life lessons and family stories I wanted them to have. Thankfully, I’ve lived to write not only that first draft in 2022, but a second in 2025—and hopefully many more to come.
Writing an ethical will isn’t just about putting words on paper. It’s a deliberate act of love and legacy—a way to ensure that the values, knowledge, and history you hold most dear are passed on to your children, and with hope, to generations beyond.
A Missed Opportunity
My mother-in-law, Phyllis, battled terminal cancer—something many of us may face. She lived a long life, and I encouraged her for years to write an ethical will. But like so many, she postponed it. When she passed, we found just one sentence written to one of her five grandchildren:
“Dearest Casey. I love you so much.”
That was it. I know Phyllis would have wanted to say so much more. She was proud of her children and grandchildren. That brief note brought tears and reassurance to my daughter and wife—but it didn’t ease the family’s sadness or convey the joy and pride Phyllis felt. Nor did it pass on her values or the ideals she likely hoped would live on.
My First Ethical Will
When I finally wrote my first draft in 2022, I began with this:
“Writing this letter (ethical will) is necessary because I love you all and want to ease your remorse, make you laugh, and make you think about the deep responsibility you have to society, our greater family, and more importantly, to this immediate family.”
Three years later, I’ve added new reflections, stories, and family history. It’s become a fuller portrait of who I am—the good and the bad—and the legacy I hope to leave.
Revisiting Your Ethical Will
When you revisit your ethical will—whether it’s your second revision or your fifth—the earlier words may seem odd, like they belonged to someone else. But as you reflect, you’ll recognize the person you were, the ideas that guided you, and the memories you still cherish. It’s like flipping through an old photo album, rediscovering the core of who you are.
What I Hope to Pass On
As I write this, I’m reminded of Maya Angelou’s words:
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
That’s the global hope for my future generations: that they are good citizens, work for the greater good, and pursue their passions with purpose.
- Like yourself: Find joy in who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. Learn from your mistakes. Be humble, but never ashamed of your success or your family’s story.
- Like what you do: Whether you build a business, serve in the nonprofit world, or volunteer—enjoy the ride. Give back to your community. It adds meaning and happiness.
- Like how you do it: Celebrate the fruits of your labor. Whether you’re part of a loving family or living independently, find fulfillment in a meaningful career and life. Don’t be afraid to succeed. Stay grounded, but never embarrassed by achievement.
And don’t forget your health. Caring for your physical, emotional, financial, and relational well-being keeps your tank full and your spirit energized.
These simple yet profound principles are the ballast I hope my children carry with them as they chart their own paths.
✍️ Steps to Get Started Writing Your Ethical Will
If the idea of leaving a legacy resonates with you, here are some thoughts to help you begin. Getting started might be as simple as placing a sticky note on your desk and keeping a copy of this article nearby. If you're anything like me, your thoughts may surface in quiet moments—during a walk with your dog, a run, or while cross-country skiing through the woods. These are times when your phone is tucked away and your ears are free from distraction. When you return, jot down those thoughts. Keep the note pile growing.
When you're ready to write, begin with those scraps of paper. Use them as your outline. This approach helps you bypass the intimidation of staring at a blank page when trying to start something so meaningful. You might also begin with a few simple prompts:
- Who are you?
- What do you stand for?
- What do you care deeply about?
As time allows, expand on these ideas. Consider adding reflections on the values and principles that have guided your life. What wisdom do you want to pass on? What personal experiences or lessons had the greatest impact on you?
Be honest. Take the risk of being vulnerable. Share not only your successes but also the challenges you faced along the way. Vulnerability creates connection. It makes your ethical will human and relatable—none of us are perfect. And don’t forget to include the takeaways from those experiences. These reflections help illustrate the principles you hope to pass on.
If you're unsure what to say, reach out. Whether it's your minister, rabbi, business coach, relative, or a trusted confidant, these are the people who can help you find the words and shape your message.
💰 Does an Ethical Will Address Money?
Most ethical wills don’t focus on money—because your legacy isn’t defined by wealth, but by who you are and what you stand for. That said, I’ve chosen to include financial themes in mine. Working in financial planning and wealth management, I’ve seen firsthand how money can consume families, divide relationships, and even destroy individuals. That’s why I felt it was important to address it—so that my financial legacy doesn’t become a source of conflict for those I love most.
But remember: every ethical will is different. What matters is that it helps your family understand you and the legacy you hope to leave behind.
📬 Sharing Your Ethical Will While Alive
Consider sharing your ethical will while you're still here. Just as you might discuss your wishes for a funeral or celebration of life, sharing your ethical will ahead of time can be a powerful gesture. It may bring tears, but it also brings clarity. It helps your loved ones understand the values you hold dear—and may even inspire them to write their own.
You might also share it with colleagues or team members. If you’ve built a company, your ethical will can help others understand the values behind it and carry your legacy forward.
Seeing how your words resonate with family can be deeply rewarding. You may reveal things they never knew. You may be seen in a new light—as more real, more relatable. Some authors say their ethical will wasn’t just about passing down lessons—it was about strengthening family bonds.
Of course, the biggest hurdle to sharing while alive is vulnerability. It’s not easy to open up. But the value of an ethical will is so profound that it’s worth overcoming that fear. In fact, most who write one say its meaning is directly tied to how vulnerable they are willing to be.
🔄 Reminder: An Ethical Will Is a Living Document
An ethical will isn’t something you write once and forget. It’s something you revisit. Like a financial plan, it may not need annual updates when you're young, but as you age and gain more wisdom, the time between revisions may shorten.
Life transitions—summer breaks, job changes, or moments of solitude—can spark new reflections. These quiet times invite you to revisit your document. As we grow older and accumulate more experiences, our perspectives evolve. Your ethical will becomes a snapshot of who you are in that moment—a record of your past, and a tool for shaping the future.
🌱 Summary: Inspiring Your Legacy
Writing an ethical will isn’t just about leaving something behind. It’s about sharing a legacy that inspires future generations. Whether it helps your children and grandchildren navigate life’s challenges, guides them through tough decisions, or simply reminds them of what truly matters, this document is a gift—offering direction, wisdom, and love long after you're gone.
And if you're young or don’t have children, you can still write an ethical will. Address it to nieces, nephews, siblings, spouse, or even your parents. The key is simply to begin. Once you do, future iterations will come more easily.
Your personal lessons—rooted in your own experiences—are your way of ensuring that future generations have a roadmap to guide and inspire them. Creating an ethical will isn’t just about preserving your legacy. It’s about contributing to the growth and well-being of those who will carry your values forward. Whether you're guiding your family or influencing your broader community, the wisdom you share today can leave a lasting imprint on tomorrow.
David Brown was the Chief Financial Officer/Business Administrator at Blanchard Memorial School, Groton School, Alexander Dawson School, Rippowam Cisqua School, and Portsmouth Abbey & School over a 23-year school career. During that time, he advised and/or helped heads and administrators assemble and negotiate benefit packages that would ensure a comfortable life through “end of plan”. For over 10-years Dave has helped his clients effectively plan, save, and invest to and spend appropriately through retirement.
For personalized financial planning and/or investment guidance, contact Clear Skies Planning & Wealth Strategies at www.clearskieswealthplanning.com or directly at 720-833-8611.
Clear Skies Planning & Wealth Strategies, Inc provides advisory services through XY Investment Solutions, LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. All views included in this communication are subject to change. Please contact Clear Skies Planning & Wealth Strategies to receive a copy of our Form ADV and other disclosure information.